It’s all Downhill from Here

posted in: family, vacation | 0

First up, Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching so it would probably be a good time to go get your loved one a book of mine because you will get banged SO HARD you guys.

True story.

Okay. Now that that’s out of the way…

I’m going skiing.

I booked a weekend trip for the wife and I to stay at the Mount Washington Hotel in New Hampshire. We’ll be heading up at the end of the month for 3 nights and I have made sure that I subconsciously timed it perfectly with my wife’s menstrual cycle because I love ruining romantic weekends.

I cannot cut a break.

If you’ve never seen the Mount Washtington Hotel, it looks a hell of a lot like the hotel in The Shining and is reportedly haunted. This is awesome because I’ve always wanted to stay in a haunted hotel and get possessed and then mutilate people with an axe and get frozen to death in a hedge maze.

I probably should have put SPOILER ALERT before that sentence.

My wife isn’t a great skier, so I booked her a skiing lesson on the first full day we’ll be staying there. Last year we went to a local mountain and pretty much stayed on the lower ten feet of the mountain’s vertical so I’m hoping this time we can actually get to ride a chairlift this time. That would be awesome.

She’s not a BAD skier but she did almost kill me by running into me on the bunny slope which is 3,000 feet wide and empty.

Now that I think about it I’m guessing that was on purpose.

We are also renting skis because we only go once a year and I have little to no money (see ‘buy my books’ request above).

Renting is a great option especially if you enjoy fungal infections from the boots. I prefer the ones where the toenails turn green and eventually break off. If you’re renting skis, make sure you request the properly infected boot, otherwise you never know which one has ankle herpes in it.

Don’t ask me how I know this.

I’ll keep you all posted on our trip happenings, unless I go all axe-murderer up there in which case I will NOT be updating you because I’ll be frozen in the back of the hotel.

Ugh. Sorry.